I wrote this poem on September 24th, 2009. The time context means a lot. I was going through some things. Things I was no doubt too young to experience firsthand.
10 little fingers.
10 little toes.
2 big brown eyes.
2 chubby cheeks.
1 little nose.
1 helpless life that unconsciously broke this little heart.
Billions of firsts.
Billions of smiles.
Billions of hugs and loads of love.
Only beget emptiness.
Emptiness that will never be filled.
Emptiness that I can't help.
My mind is made up.
But my heart is torn to pieces.
None of which belong to me.
I want to scream.
I want to cry.
I want to know why.
What have I done to deserve such complication?
Complication.
Pain.
Tears.
Tears that just wont stop.
And tears that just wont show.
Inside my heart is breaking.
Inside my will is broken.
I want to make it stop.
I want to get over it.
But I can't. I never will.
It will never be the same.
Who knew that all that could all start with
Those 10 little fingers.
Those 10 little toes.
Those 2 big brown eyes.
Those 2 chubby cheeks.
That 1 little nose.
And that 1 helpless life that unconsciously broke this little heart.
If there are 5 stages of grief, which one am I at?
If circumstances are changed forever, where does that leave me?
I'm afraid of the answer.
Please time how long (in seconds) it takes to read this poem.
I Got Flowers Today
I got flowers today.
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night,
And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary any other special day.
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today,
and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today.
Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers...today.
By Paulette Kelly
© Copyright 1992 Paulette Kelly
All Rights Reserved
How long did it take you to read the poem?
Please divide the number of seconds it took you to read the poem by 15, then round it up to the next whole number.
Your answer represents the number of women that were abused during the time it took you to read this poem—and—one did not survive.
Help us eradicate the heinous crime of Domestic Violence. Your actions could be the difference that makes the difference.
Please, do something.
This has been on three-peat on my iPod today, and I figured that I'd look up a video performance. And i found this performance where Natalie, the floatrist just keeps...flowing, lol. She says lyrics that weren't even on the track. My LORD, they are talented beyond measure. Enough of me. Floetry. Enjoy :)
See Floetry's Live Performance here!!!
1.) My favorite color is green. It's funny, even my roommates didn't realize until i told her that it was. I honestly have no idea why it's green; I just love the color. I have a feeling that it's because when I was younger, the expectation was for girls to like colors like pink and yellow and I was quite the tomboy so I went for green. I'm actually wearing a green Gdub sweatshirt right now :)
2.) I can probably kick yours, your brothers', your cousins, anybody's butt at Street Fighters and Mortal Kombat. I play it with my brother and sometimes I pretend to not be paying attention so that he'd win. And then he would realize and tell me to try my hardest. Of course I beat him--usually with a "perfect" or "brutality" rating. When I say I'm good at the games, I'm REALLY good. I remember going to a party back in 8th grade and there was a room full of nerd-type guys who were playing Mortal Kombat and I challenged to play them. They let me play, all the while laughing and muttering that I was going to lose. WRONG--Not only did I beat all of them, but I always play using the girl characters, so it's like a double shot to their egos. I'm tellin you--Chun-Li, Jade, Sonja Blade, Sindel, Mileena, Kitana--I have mastered all of their moves and I'm always ready for a challenger, lol.
3.) Everybody knows that I am from the Caribbean (specifically, St. Vincent & the Grenadines) but not many people know that I've also lived in Memphis, Tennessee. 4 years of my life was spent down south and actually about 2 blocks away from the famous Graceland property. And yes, I had the WORST country twang imaginable.
4.) I don't think I have one best friend. If I had to pick one, it would probably be my Dad or my brother. I have a couple best friends, though, and they know who they are.
5.) I had my first kiss at age 17 1/2...a lot of people think it was earlier but it wasn’t. Also, I'm pretty sure he didn't know it was my first kiss. And I'll never tell him either.
6.) I am a computer geek. If there's anything that needs to be done with a computer (preferably on a Windows operating system), I can most likely figure it out. But I will warn you that if you ask for my help, I will indeed start speaking in pc tongue and you will be very confused. I was one of those kids who volunteered on the technology committee in grade school and high school and would help out the teachers with their issues as well as work on the bigger mainframe. It's ok though...I've learned to embrace it.
7.) I rarely cry. I tend to internalize things (to the dismay of many of my friends) and forget about them completely. But when it comes to my family and close friends being ill, in danger, or dead, I can be damn near inconsolable.
8.) Being Vincentian, I have a MEAN accent that rarely comes out. It's legit and authentic. It comes out either when I'm mad at somebody or a situation, or during/after I speak to my parents or fellow West Indian friends. I must admit though, some phrases and words will always come out in an accent; like "ridiculous" and "stupid" and if I say "I haven't the faintest idea..."
9.) Though I intend to go to law school and become a Supreme Court Justice or Juvenile advocate one day, I have a passion for modeling and music. I modeled as a kid for Talbot's and I've been singing since I could speak. My parents won’t let me seriously do either now because they don’t think that modeling or pursuing music are tangible.
10.) I play competitive softball. I’m a first-baseman and I know how to use my legs to stretch and get people out. I can also hit home runs like it’s nothing. The funny thing is, I used to SUCK at it. Practice makes perfect, I suppose…
11.) I can bend over and put my hands flat on the floor in front of or next to my feet without bending my knees. It’s something my favorite softball coach taught me to do. It’s a lot more difficult than it sounds.
12.) I play the piano and the trumpet and I was one of those kids that went on band/choir trips and thought that they were awesome. It is because they were.
13.) I can remember my best friend back in grade school’s phone number by heart and yet I can’t remember my NY house number if my life depended on it.
14.) I have never had a key to either of my houses. Maybe I’ll get one when I turn 21.
15.) I have 2 cars…one was my birthday present for when I turned 17 years old. It was more like my parents trying to encourage me to go and get my license (even though it was always a fight to get them to let me drive once I did). The second one was promised to me on that same day from my dad for when I got into my top choice of college, which was GW. I got in ED1 and after my dad finished freaking out (yes, freaking out) he called my brother’s godmother, who lives in Maryland and worked out where I was going to park it while I’m down here. That car has yet to make it down here.
**I wrote this like a year ago. I still have 2 cars, but my first one was switched with a Benz. I miss my first car, but I like the upgrade**
16.) I’m the 3rd generation of Israels go to university. This may not seem like a big deal for normal Americans, but in the Caribbean, this is pretty huge. I think my granddad went to UWI (University of the West Indies) and my dad went to Yale.
17.) The Presiding Bishop of the National Episcopal Church knows me by my first name. Her name’s Katherine.
18.) I’ve worn my high school class ring every day since the day of my graduation.
19.) I have a really short tongue. When I was little, the doctor kept having to cut it from the bottom of my mouth because I couldn’t lick or whatever properly. I’ve learned to deal with it.
20.) I was an extremely fat baby. I weighed almost 9lbs at birth and having West Indian parents, kept being fattened up until my doctor told my parents to put me on a diet.
21.) Fidel Castro is my great uncle by marriage. I tried to study abroad there in high school and my last name was blacklisted because my aunt Arianna ran away with my uncle, who was at the time the equivalent of homeland security director in St. Vincent.
22.) I used to be short. That was, until the summer between 8th grade and 9th grade. I grew about 4 inches. My doctor was like “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU FEEDING HER?!?” to my parents. I'm 5'10" now. My brother is barely 4 feet tall and it worries me, cause he's 11 1/2 and I was 4'9" when I was his age.
23.) I have horrific asthma. I’ve been declared dead before because both of my lungs collapsed and I was only surviving because of a respirator. My doctor then informed my parents that they would have to decide between living in Memphis (with it’s high pollen) or having a daughter. Their answer is clear, lol. But because of the amount of times I was hospitalized as a kid (which was A LOT—I was in the hospital about twice a year), hospitals freak me out. One of my roommates was sick my freshman year, and when I went to go see her, I said hello, made sure she was being taken care of, and then went out into the lobby and started shaking uncontrollably. I though I was going to pass out.
24.) I can’t stand normal pencils and pens. I like having pretty pens and mechanical pencils because for some reason I can just function better with them.
25.) As much as I like to talk, I like listening much better.
26.) I never miss a USA softball game.
27.) I don't have straight teeth...they look straight but they aren't really. And the thing is, I def wore braces for a year but as soon as i got them off, my dumbass orthodontist realized that there was a bigger problem with my wisdom teeth and 12-year-old molars, so the braces were actually pointless. I had to have oral surgery but never went back to get braces out of clear defiance, lol.
28.) I bite my nails. Badly. It's not cute.
29.) I can put on mascara with my mouth closed.
30.) My hair turns red in the sun. No, like actually and amber-type color.
31.) I almost cut my hair to be a Kelis-like cut. I chickened out bigtime...
32.) I am really good with kids. My secret? BRIBE them with sweets.
33.) I'm allergic to coconut. As random as that sounds, I researched it and it's incredibly rare and there are single-digit numbers of us in the world. VERY odd.
34.) I look like my mom, but I have my dad's personality to a T.
35.) Whenever I go to McDonalds, I order not one, not two, but THREE double cheeseburgers, fries, and 2 pies. and I eat it all in one sitting.
36.) I took ballet. On my first day, the lady said that I lacked grace. Shortest ballet career ever.
37.) I watch a lot of Celebreality shows on VH1. Real talk--every episode, including reunions.
38.) I'm probably the least sexual person ever. Not to say I can't be sexy for the right guy. But my inexperience can make me awkward. The KY Brand commercials make me giggle awkwardly every time.
39.) I have the biggest girl crush on Angelina Jolie and honestly, if she were to wink at me suggestively, I would go running to her, lol.
40.) Nothing makes me happier than when those around me are happy.
41.) I watch some primetime shows while on the phone with my mom, cause we used to sit and watch them together before I went away to college.
42.) I am TERRIFIED of scary movies and I own the dvd for "IT" and have owned it for years, but I have yet to watch the entire thing...I always start it and stop it at the same point cause i'm too freaked out to continue.
43.) I am very picky when it comes to my cheesesteaks. I mean, I'm from Philly!!!!!! I'm allowed. Cause people are TRIPPIN here in DC with the whole 'steak & cheese' nonsense.
44.) I don't actually have a big butt. It's actually normal-sized. The women in my family have very arched backs so because of the dip, it looks like my butt is bigger than it actually is. Call it an optical illusion, lol.
45.) I am incapable of controlling my facial expressions...everything that is on my mind is VERY apparent on my face at any given moment.
46.) I have watched the Ray J tape...and the guy has some SKIIIILS forreal...and a kickstand, hehhehe
47.) My dream car is an M5 or a Miata...both of which are wayyy too small for me cause my legs are really long and I have to fold myself up in order to fit inside.
48.) I require very little sleep to function. Ask my roommates, lol.
49.) I almost tried out for Top Model, but my mom said no :(
50.) My dad named me. Apparently it was the name of a character on a popular soap opera from when he was about 13 years old. 'Angeliqué' was a BITCH and my dad loved the name so much and he thought it was terrible that they made her into such an evil character. His intention was to name his first daughter 'Angeliqué' in order to redeem the name from what the character made it. 'Angeliqué' means 'little angel' in French.
Society says that we must fit
Into the cookie-cutter mold that it has writ:
Long hair, tiny waist, tight butt, large chest
And anything different is less than the best.
It makes me sick to think that I
For all intents and purposes, must live a lie
And compromise myself--not be me
Just to be exactly what people want me to be.
Well, I say enough; I've had it; I'm through.
I'm done with wanting to be nothing more than a size two.
I'm tired of speaking, looking, or acting a certain way
Just to please and appease the stupid "norms" of society today
I'm me for a reason, you should know that too.
'Cause if God didn't mean for me to be me, I'd be...you.
So never let ANYBODY compromise who you are.
Take your life into your own hands, and that and that alone will take you far.
This is a sequel to the difference between a boy and a man, but with a different twist.
My name is unique. I mean, how many Angeliqué Samantha Israels do you know? My mom wanted it to be “Cristal Mondai Israel,” but thank goodness my dad ended up naming me. My first name is French for “little angel.” Well, I’m not little and not always an angel.
“Angeliqué” has three syllables—four if it is pronounced correctly in French (AN JEL-EEK-KAY). I remember being in kindergarten and having to get in line last because we were called by the amount of syllables in our names in order to learn how to discern syllables. So kids like “Katie” or “Lisa” or “Casey” were always before me for an entire week, which in kindergarten can seem like forever.
“Angeliqué” isn’t a name you hear every day. So instead of embracing it, other kids teased me. I’ve gotten names from “Angifreak” to “Leaky,” and I hated it all.
My last name isn’t free of controversy. In St. Vincent, where I’m from, the name is pretty well-known, but here in America, it sticks out. I’m the daughter of an Episcopal priest and a brown-skinned Caribbean girl. I’ve been told that I don’t deserve or don’t match my last name because it’s often related to the Jewish faith. Imagine being a little kid and being asked “You’re an Israel?” Yes, it’s weird.
My middle name doesn’t match the rest of my name at all. “Angeliqué Israel” sounds exotic, and “Samantha” seems to ruin everything. I’ve contemplated changing it, even but it’s a middle name—who cares, right?
All in all, I love my name. I guess it comes with having to deal with it for seventeen years now. Too many people have told me it’s pretty for me to hate it anymore, anyway. They say it’s exotic. I’ve become accustomed to it, and I can’t imagine myself being a “Katie” or a “Lisa” or a “Casey.” I wouldn't change it for the world.
I am from the Caribbean.
I am from the gem of the Antilles
I am from the beautiful island breeze that washes over you
I am from the black and white sandy beaches and green waters that refresh you at the touch of the very tip of your toe.
I am from Carnival Tuesday, complete with its magnificent costumes and amazing music.
I am from sweet sugar cane in the afternoons and succulent mangoes in my grandmother’s backyard.
I am from the winding roads of Sion Hill Layou, Fancy, and Chateaubelair.
I am from the fire of La Soufriere and the indigenous Caribs in its wake.
I am from Chatoyer and made of the blood and sweat that he and others shed for my people.
I am from my father’s laughter and my mother’s eyes.
I am from St. Vincent & the Grenadines, Camden, Memphis, and Philly.
I am from the French, Portuguese, British, Carib, and Spanish of my ancestors.
I am from the well educated and the much expected.
I am from long legs and unique features.
I am from palm trees and beauty queens.
I am from gorgeous island nights and endless island days.
I am from nothing around here, and I love it.
Back in high school, one of my girls and I were talking the other night about what makes a boy a boy, and a man a man. I had never really though about it before, but when she asked me what I saw the difference to be, here’s what I came up with. Ironically, years later, things haven't really changed.
Everybody has had one, currently has one, or will have one in the future. I'm talking about the ONE. You know, the person who has the ability to make you go weak in the knees with one look, or the person who you'd rather argue with than spend an eternity with anybody else. That's the ONE. This poem that i wrote in the African "Dinka" style, is representative of the emotions that a person undergoes when they find that "one". Comment Please!!
“The ONE”
His eyes are as striking and as beautiful as a summer sunset.
His lips are decadent like the finest sweets in all the world.
His voice is a deep ocean, washing over me repeatedly as the tide comes in.
His hands are strong, yet soft; guarding, yet compassionate.
His nature is as smooth as strawberries dipped in warm chocolate dipped in whipped cream, relaxing me like nothing else can.
His embrace incites feelings that I can’t explain, and I don’t necessarily want to.
His gaze strips away everything, freeing me from society’s pre- and misconceptions
There’s no separating us, for we are kindred like wind and water; apart, we’re great, but together we’re unstoppable.
His banter teases and entices, making me feel uncomfortable and amused
When he’s sad, I’m sad and there isn’t anything that I can do to control it.
He confuses me and makes complete sense simultaneously.
He treats me like a queen; his queen.
He’s my rock and my love, and oh, what I would do to keep him.
I will do whatever possible to let everyone know to whom he belongs.
Say what you want, do what you please; but NEVER will you touch he that belongs to me.
I’m there for him till the end, and nothing can come between.
I love him like I love the world, and that is what gives life to me.
Looking back on my personal blogging, I've realized that it was really serving no purpose to me as a diary-type blog. So henceforth, I'm turning this into a poetry blog. I write A LOT, and I want a medium through which to post them, other than on facebook. I'm open to feedback and submissions. Thank you sooo much!
~Angeliqué
