Original Poem: Untitled

I wrote this poem on September 24th, 2009. The time context means a lot. I was going through some things. Things I was no doubt too young to experience firsthand.

10 little fingers.
10 little toes.
2 big brown eyes.
2 chubby cheeks.
1 little nose.
1 helpless life that unconsciously broke this little heart.

Billions of firsts.
Billions of smiles.
Billions of hugs and loads of love.
Only beget emptiness.
Emptiness that will never be filled.
Emptiness that I can't help.

My mind is made up.
But my heart is torn to pieces.
None of which belong to me.
I want to scream.
I want to cry.
I want to know why.
What have I done to deserve such complication?
Complication.

Pain.
Tears.
Tears that just wont stop.
And tears that just wont show.
Inside my heart is breaking.
Inside my will is broken.
I want to make it stop.
I want to get over it.
But I can't. I never will.
It will never be the same.

Who knew that all that could all start with
Those 10 little fingers.
Those 10 little toes.
Those 2 big brown eyes.
Those 2 chubby cheeks.
That 1 little nose.
And that 1 helpless life that unconsciously broke this little heart.
If there are 5 stages of grief, which one am I at?
If circumstances are changed forever, where does that leave me?
I'm afraid of the answer.